Fundraiser!

I forgot to share here! I'm having a fund raiser tomorrow. Here are the details:

https://www.facebook.com/events/259634471398641/?ti=as

IVF Cycle II Beta

So, most unfortunately, but not surprisingly, my beta came back negative yesterday. I was so prepared that I didn't even use a home test beforehand. This was the least disappointed I've ever been. I think I felt unconscious relief because, even if I had had a positive, the chance of miscarriage would have been really high. It would have been difficult to stay positive.

We'll move on to donor eggs now. I'm not sure when we'll start but I'm hoping in January.

Until then, Happy Holidays Everyone! I'm looking forward to sharing our next step!

IVF cycle II - Transfer

Transfer went well. My co-patients and I laughed a lot and one of them reminded me so much of my Aunt Virgie. It was a real pleasure talking with them.

Two enbryos made it and both were transferred - now begins the two week wait until I can have my HCG blood test. This is always the hardest part by far. 

Thankfully, with the holiday season upon us, there is much to do and that will help. I've been watching videos about festive bakes, I need to write and send out cards, and I think I'm going to try and make some Meyer lemon marmalade. 

In the meanwhile, as far as treatment goes, I'm under strict orders to avoid lifting anything, avoid my morning walks, take my vitamins, and inject myself with progesterone daily.  Oh, and I need to laugh a lot and be happy! 

I'm doing my best - can't wait to see the kiddos at school on Monday. I've missed them! 

The McAllen Experience

Yesterday and today I had a lot of time to kill. Nothing to do but wait for tomorrow. I enjoy being in the motel room some, but it also drives me crazy to be in here too long.

To avoid the stir-crazy madness that's a part of who I am, I drove over to McAllen yesterday to explore. My goal was to see an orange orchard and, if at all possible, pick my own to buy.

The internet wasn't much help but I did locate an organic store that sold their own fruit and juice. It is called Earth Bound.

When I reached Earth Bound I found a pleasant shop full of fruit and bee related products. In addition, they had a large selection of gluten-free and vegan snacks - many that I had never seen before.

The store was one room and spacious.  Wooden shelves lined the walls and we're filled with unusual sounding jams, jellies, salsas and more. Earth Bound has their own bee hives and one shelf was full of their honey; orange blossom and wildflower.

To the back of the room was a tasting station. The round antique looking wooden table had a variety of sliced citrus fruit for customers to enjoy.  Also present was a cup full of plastic spoons, the two honeys, and several jams and salsas.

I went straight for the honey as the orange blossom lable had me intrigued.  I poured a droplet or two onto a spoon and let my tongue do the rest. Except, my tongue was unable to process the experience on it's own. The orange blossom flavor, and the more traditional honey flavor, challenged each other. It was as though they were both vying for domenance. The result was delicious.

The wildflower honey was gentle in its approach to flavors. It was not nearly as flamboyant as the the orange blossom and seemed to be happy sitting quietly by.  While just as complex, the flavors seemed to swim and dance about gently, until they merged into a lovely and delectable liquid gold.

There were more things to taste too. Little sample cups were stacked next to their freshly squeezed juices. There were the traditional single fruit juices but also a large variety of mixed vegetable and fruit juices. Oh, I do love a good tasting session!

Just when I was finishing up with the juices, one of the women working at Earth Bound, asked if I needed help. I told her how I was wandering around the country side looking for a citrus grove to enter and explore. She pointed to the orchard right outside and told me that I could go pick an orange for myself.

The trees were all covered in oranges and some of the fruit were rotting on the ground.  Smells of the rotting fruit were in the air but I can't say that it was an altogether unpleasant scent.

I love orchards but I haven't been in many. In fact, the last one I was in was a plum orchard in the hills of Tamil Nadu. It was private property of course and my friends and I would wait for a fog to settle in before trying to snag a few. We were rewarded with stones flying at us through the branches - but that's a story for another day.

After standing amongst the orange trees, and taking them all in, I selected a plump ripe orange to pocket and have on my drive home. Why is it so attractive to pluck fruits and vegetables straight from the tree/plant?

After thanking the women inside, and making a small purchase, I used their restroom. Pardon my naivety but I had never seen a bathroom like this so I snapped a pic.

On asking them for recommendations, for places to visit in McAllen, they suggested I visit Quinta Mazatlan; one of the largest remaining adobe homes in Texas. And how beautiful it was! The house itself was peaceful and oh so elegant! The surrounding acreage had quiet footpaths and is a paradise for those who wish to go bird watching.

I'm going to end here very abruptly. Tomorrow is transfer day and, unless there are unexpected changes, I should be driving home in the afternoon. Today I spent mostly packing, getting gas for my car, and that sort of thing. I can't wait for the morning!

IVF cycle II - Retrieval

Retrieval arrived yesterday - faster than it arrived during my first cycle. It was a mixed day of feelings though; happy to be doing retrieval but sad because J had to go back home. Having him here longer this time was wonderful but it made his departure harder. 

I drove with Mario and three other patients. One was transferring so she and I got a lot of visiting time later on in the prep/recovery room.  

For retrieval you don't get to see Dr Garza. With his multitude of patients, his office hours are filled with running upstairs to the offices, and then back downstairs to his surgery.  After checking in with the downstairs staff they send you upstairs to get the procedure order. Then you are sent back down to prep. 

There is a little bathroom to change in and the nurses have a spot on top of their cubbies for your purse.  When you change, you are allowed to leave on upper clothing but otherwise just wear a hospital gown and socks. Many patients struggle with the one hospital gown and keeping decent as they walk around. Tip: either wear a short dress/long shirt or, use two gowns, one in front and one in back. 

The prep/recovery area is so dim that it's almost dark. Paintings of Jesus and Mary are on the wall looking in on the surgery. There are a couple of big chairs and a few beds for patients to rest on. 

While you are waiting/recovering, the nurses are in and out, checking on everyone's level of pee urgency. For the transfers they want the paitents need to be at a 9 on a scale of 1 through 10.  For the retrivals, they want the patient absolutely empty.  

The other patients and I talked to each other and shared the individual stories. One had endometriosis, like me, and we compared pain stories all the way from our early teenage years until having it diagnosed and treated as an adult. Growing up, we both assumed the pain was normal - it took us so many years to find out otherwise!  My OBGYN in Austin has a special focus on endometriosis which is fortunate for me. He's told me that many doctors aren't that focused/interested/aware (?) of it though and my impression is that many patients go un-diagnosed.

Back to yesterday though. After a lot if talking and waiting it was finally my turn. The nurses downstairs are much more social than the upstairs staff. One nurse in particular, Ruth, was very bubbly and fun. She enjoyed practicing speaking English and had sentences written out to help her. Every time she read out a command to me, she would look at her senior nurse partner, Karina, for approval and a giggle. Ruth also had a blast with my name - just like last cycle. She would ask me to pronounce it, repeat what I said as she struggled over the J sound, and a minute later would be back asking me to say it again. I really liked her 😊

Hector, the anesthesiologist, is a middle aged man who sits at the head of the surgical table. When I came in this time he was yammering away on his cell phone. He kept talking as he put the little clip-reader-thing on my finger and as he adjusted the position of my arms. When he did put his phone down, just before gassing me, I got to ask him his name too. I think I was the noisiest patient they had that day. Everyone else was silent in the surgery - I just have fun talking!

Also? While I certainly enjoyed interacting with Ruth and the other nurses, my very own Nurse Cathy is the real example to follow. Her care is not limited to the time you are standing in front of her - instead, it continues with phone calls after treatment and even emails after retirement. And she always prays to the Fertility Goddess for me too💕

The gas wasn't as bad as I remembered it from last time. I did not have an urge to pull the mask off and I went to sleep faster. The next thing I knew they were calling my name to move me on to a bed. I was wheeled out to lie with my fellow endometriosis patient and she quietly asked me if I wanted a pain shot. Many of the women experience a lot of pain after retrieval; I've been fortunate that I have not. 

I didn't need the pain shot but, in my semi-awake state, I did start crying and wondering out loud how that Facebook person was so mean to me 🙃.  I thought I was mostly over that incident but I guess deep down it still hurts.  Not to allow those feelings too much power, I wiped away the tears and sat up. I shared with you on Facebook and received messages of love that made such a difference!   Sitting up, I was a little dizzy for a minute, but pretty quickly I was alert and feeling good. 

I sat there for what seemed like a long time. A new patient was waiting for her IUI procedure so I shared my IUI stories with her. This was her first attempt and she was worried it would hurt. It does not. 

This patient had a most interesting story to share. She said that when her mother was pregnant with her, at the five month window, she tested negative for the pregnancy hormone HCG. Her doctors in the States told her there was nothing she could do and that miscarriage was inevitable. This mother couldn't accept the information though and so headed across the border for a second opinion. The doctors in Mexico loaded her up with folic acid, and other vitamins, with the recommendation that she not tell her US doctors that she was being treated. They feared that the US doctors would refuse to treat her if they knew. I believe she continued to test negative for HCG but went on to have a healthy baby. Crazy story! I wonder what the explanation is. 

This about finishes yesterday's retrieval experience. After I had dressed, I found that Mario had already taken the rest of the people back, so he had to make a special trip for me. I'm taking a short round of Medrol this time - starting it now and ending it a week or so after transfer. It can be helpful when you have endometriosis and/or natural killer cells. We stopped at a pharmacy on the Mexican side to get it. The rest of the ride home was uneventful but I felt lonely sitting in the van by myself. I knew J would be gone when I got back to the motel but, even though I was prepared, when I entered the empty room, I couldn't help but cry and cry. He's my best friend 💕

A Shout-out for Adam Riezenman

One of the tricky parts of doing IVF in Mexico is getting your progesterone in oil (PIO) prescription filled. All other medications come from Mexico but the progesterone needs to be purchased in the States because of quality issues. PIO has to be used daily until your first pregnancy test. If you get a negative test, you can stop the PIO injections and allow your cycle to start. If, however, your test comes back positive, PIO is continued for twelve weeks. By twelves weeks the placenta takes over making progesterone and you no longer need supplementation.

Dr Garza prescribes three vials of PIO which is about thirty days worth. The trick is, once you're back in your home town/state, and if the IVF cycle is successful, you need a way of getting more PIO.  Once you leave the valley, pharmacies stop accepting Mexican prescriptions. You could of course buy enough for the full twelve weeks before going home - but it's an expensive purchase that might end up wasted.

My solution to this problem, is my very kind and companionate OBGYN in Austin, Dr Breen. He has told me on numerous occasions that he'll support these IVF attempts in whatever way I need. He's happy to put in the order for more PIO if I need it. So I'm covered. Other patients aren't so lucky. Many of them have OBs that will not facilitate their treatment from Dr Garza. It's hard to understand.

PIO fun fact - there is often a scarcity of PIO so it's a good idea to order in advance. Interestingly enough, it's not the progesterone that causes the scarcity, but the sesame oil used.

To get back on track though, exceptional help and kindness was given to me by Brownsville's HEB Store 3, Adam Riezenman. He is the kindest and most helpful pharmacist/pharmacy manager I've ever met.

I found him when I went hunting for PIO during my last IVF attempt.  At the time he had just three vials of the prescription and was able to run a special coupon that brought down the price significantly.  He talked me through the injection process and reassured me that I was going to indeed hit muscle.  As I was leaving, I saw him bound out from behind the counter and help an elderly women who was shopping nearby.

It's been several months since I've seen him but, when I went in with my prescription yesterday, he remembered me well. He asked follow up questions on how the injections went and gave me new advice to help with the pain. And, most brilliantly, he gave me a suggestion that lead to a real solution!

Adam suggested that Dr Garza write in refills on the prescription. The prescription can be processed in Brownsville but then transfered to my HEB pharmacy in San Marcos.  While my pharmacy wouldn't accept the prescription order on its own, they will accept it if it's already been processed by a sister-store. This seems so obvious that I don't know why we, Dr Garza's other patients and myself, didn't think of it before.

Here's some information about Adam Riezenman I wanted to share. I've already talked to his store manager about my experience - next I'm emailing HEB.

https://pharmacy.tamhsc.edu/prescription/2013/fall/riezenman.html

Thank you Adam!

IVF cycle II Appointment IV

This is just a brief update. On Saturday I had my fourth appointment and it was pretty quick. It looked like Dr Garza was juggling a lot that day. He did confirm that my retrieval is tomorrow though so that was helpful.

Tomorrow is one of the no fragrance/jewelry/make up days. They'll use twighlight anesthesia and I shouldn't be out for too long. I did well last time with not much pain - fingers crossed I'm just as lucky tomorrow!  My least favorite part is that I can't eat or drink now until after the procedure. I just know I'm going to be starving in the morning.

Jason and I did go to Boca Chica Beach yesterday evening and it was pretty although very gray. The sky was foggy and the waters looked like steel. We saw a cayotee (it might have been a dog but I've never seen a cayotee before and that was our first guess) crossing the highway and, at the beach, pelcans bobbing just off shore .

This morning we went to the zoo and I managed to develop blisters on both my baby toes. The place was just as pleasant as my previous visit and we spent a few minutes mimicking a gorilla. He watched us intently and kept repeating gestures, seemingly, for us to copy 😀

The weather has been beautiful. We almost hit eighty today and this evening was 70. There is most often a breeze moving through town and that keeps things fresh!  This is my kind of winter.

I need to get to bed - there are typically long waits before the retrieval procedure and during recovery afterwards - if I'm feeling ok, maybe I can provide some live updates.

Tootles 🙃

Cycle II Appointment III

Most of my treatment payments are made with my credit card but, for retrieval, the payment needs to be made in cash. The first retrieval cost was $2925.00 and this cycle retrieval cost is $1575.00.  When I take the cash over, I like to use Mario, Dr Garza's driver, so that I avoid walking down the street in a loaded fashion.

While I  sat on the bench next to the motel's front door this morning, waiting for Mario to arrive, I read The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society recommended by my aunt AM.  Although I haven't finished it yet, I can already add my own recommendation. It's a good, gentle, but fun read.

Anywho, as I was sitting there, a young man came out of the motel and asked me for a cigarette. Not receiving a favorable answer didn't stop him from sitting down next to me and asking more questions. I answered briefly, but kindly, each time going back to my book between answers. To each of my answers, the man responded with a "Cool...cool..."  In fact, even when he asked about my Thanksgiving and I said I spent it sitting in a hotel room, "Cool... Cool..." was the response I got.  After a bit he got in a taxi and drove away. On one hand he made me feel young - on the other, ancient!  Soon after this man's departure, Mario came and I headed to the office with several other patients.

At Dr Garza's, there was a cute little boy, probably just under one, sitting in the chair next to me with his mom. He had the brightest red hair I've ever seen occur naturally and what a sweet smile! We looked at the chair's armrest together, noticing that the leather was torn, and the stuffing coming out a bit. Later on, when he expressed discontent, he let me talk him through it and stopped crying as he looked at me shyly.

When my sonogram turn came, Dr Garza saw four to five follicles again and some of them were already at 16 mm. He told me that my retrieval might be on Monday, much earlier than I expected, but I need to go back tomorrow to find out for sure. He upped my meds to increase follicle size and added a medication that prevents ovulation.

Other things happened but we must move on. I caught the medical van back to the border and J was waiting for me on the other side. We wandered around downtown for a bit and then went to Russo's to celebrate our anniversary. Four years now everyone... four years!  At Russo's I broke my anti-inflammatory diet by eating a cucumber/tomato/olive/basil/feta salad and baked ziti. J had some of my salad and a pizza. It was all very tasty - afterwards we came back to the motel and slept it off. We call this being in a food coma. That is all.

IVF Cycle II and Appointment II

It was a long and tedious drive down South this time. In an unexpected turn of events, adrenaline did not rush through my veins as it typically does. Instead, my eyes kept drooping shut. At one point I thought I saw a deer, or the ghost of a deer, making its way across the road. She was lit up for a moment by a truck's headlights but then, in a flash, she had disappeared into the brush. I started begging the sun to come up - I really didn't want to hit a deer - and when the sky finally lightened, I had already been driving nearly three hours.

It was raining when I made it to Brownsville around 9:40 A.M. The rain was a steady drizzle - not quite enough to saturate your clothing but certainly wet enough to make the streets unpleasant. After dumping my bags at Motel 6, I headed to the International Gateway Bridge and parked in the nearby parking garage. 

As I walked from the garage to the bridge, the streets were full of gray sludge-like puddles, and I had my work cut out trying to avoid them. While most were monochrome, some drew my eye to the myriad of constantly shifting oil-induced colors on their surface. When I did finally make it to the sheltered border crossing though, only the edge of my pants legs were a bit wet. 

As mentioned in my last post, there has been no apparent change in the US border security. Mexico, however, has added a security dog and today they were inspecting people's bags. They waved me through however so these changes didn't affect me. 

Walking towards the exit gate, I approached an elderly man leaning against the customs building wall.  He waved to me and smiled. I had seen him last week in the same spot and today, as I went by, he put out his hand and exclaimed, "Amiga!" While I did hesitate at first, his friendliness was contagious and I shook his hand. The day started looking better.

My appointment with Dr Garza went well. Dr Garza saw three or four follicles on my left ovary and two on my right. My left ovary is the one that had a surgically removed dermoid cyste but, despite the surgery, it always seems to have more follicles. It's a good little ovary! 

Dr Garza and I had a lovely talk afterwards and he was very encouraging and positive.  He pointed up to the heavens and said, "Make a strong connection with Him. When you are connected to Him, He can do many things."

My next appointment is Friday and I have a mere four shots to give myself before then. J arrives today and will stay until Monday. I'm really looking forward to him being around more than last time. I think he is too. 

In other news, I'm trying to stay on an anti-inflammatory diet which is no easy task! I've had to go vegan and gluten-free for this - and sugar-free too of course.  There is unsweetened vanilla almond milk in my fridge right now and it sure is  boring! Still, it's better than plain almond milk in my opinion and I do like having something different to drink. If anyone has suggestions, please feel free to share! I feel constantly hungry and don't want to end up gaining more weight.

And to think... There are delicious Thanksgiving meals being prepared in most houses throughout the Nation right now... Shucks :) 

Happy Thanksgiving All! 

IVF Cycle II

Hurray. That is all. Hurray. Yesterday my blood work and sonogram results were good so I've started treatment at last. It took another early morning dash down to Mexico and back to find this out - the trip was well worth it!

The sun rising on a new day and new IVF attempt!

Dr Garza is in New York for conferences so a young female doctor (in training is my guess) was performing the tests. She looked like she was 18 although that's highly unlikely. Dr Garza's nurse, who is very matronly, watched over her shoulder and directed her during the sonogram. I loved seeing a more experienced nurse teaching a doctor - and the doctor being fine with it!

During the sonogram I saw three follicles on my left ovary and four to five on my right. Hopefully they all stick around and produce many nalla mottas.

The office waiting room was empty except for a few US patients. Some of them I've talked to online and it was fun meeting them face to face. Everyone has such individual stories but the struggle is the same.

On my way back across the border, I stopped at Garcia's and talked briefly with Eduardo, one of the salesmen, about the approaching caravan. We've heard rumors that the Matamoros city government is going to start shutting down businesses near the border to reduce problems when the caravan arrives. Some of Dr Garza's patients are very stressed about this so I was looking for information to share.

Eduardo couldn't tell me much. He did mention that he thought not all the people in the caravan were bad. As far as businesses being shut down, he hadn't heard anything.  There was a sort of cautious defensiveness in his voice.

I asked a US border agent what he knew and he didn't have anything concrete to share either. He did not have information on the border potentially shutting down -and he said we should just keep our ears to the ground.  He did, however, suggest that we follow Paloma For Trump, on Facebook, to stay informed.

Personally, nothing felt different or scary. It was easy to cross the bridge from both directions.

I saw a couple of interesting things on my drive. One was a fair that has sprung up right across from my Motel 6. And it had a ferris wheel. On closer inspection it might prove too rickety to actually try out though.

Also, driving through Driscoll, I saw a collection of fruit stands that we're selling locally produced fruit. They had a sign that read, "5 avocados for $2.00". So that was a neat deal that would be advantageous to collect on.

Anyway... I have five days of medication to take at home and my next appointment is on Wednesday. I'll probably drive down that morning. J will join me Thursday and will stay until Monday! So he'll have a nice vacation which is long over due AND we get to celebrate our anniversary together down South.

Onwards!

The Wait!

An update has been long in coming! Last month I was planning to go down for my second attempt but, most unfortunately, my LH was too high and treatment was cancelled. Dr Garza told me to wait a month and test again. That month is about to end and I'm hopeful that all will be well!

There was a beautiful silver lining to the cancellation, however, because I was able to attend my cousin's wedding in Nacogdoches. We had good times with family and such opportunity for happy tears!

But, to come back to the present, if things go according to plan, I'm hoping to be in Brownsville the week of Thanksgiving. This will be a huge savings for me as I have the week as paid time off from work.

I do love Thanksgiving though and was felling a little sad to miss it. Then one of my lovely cousins, who is going to miss Thanksgiving as well, had an idea...  And with her idea, the sun came out and and angels sang!  We would have an early Thanksgiving dinner. Which is exactly what we did - minus the turkey because we're both vegetarian 😉 Pictures of our feast follow:

Ahhhh..... Our bellies were full! After pleasant visiting, good laughs and burps, I locked my keys and my phone in the back of my car. I had never done that before. It was interesting. Help came after an hour and a half. At least it came.

I brought leftovers home for J as he had to work - and I stopped to buy him turkey and baby back ribs from Kent's BBQ so that he felt like he was getting a real meal. He enjoyed!

Onwards!

2nd Attempt and Donor Egg Consideration

So, my first IVF cycle ended with a chemical pregnancy. While this of course wasn't the result we were hoping for, it was certainly progress and I feel happy for that. The scariest thing through all this has not been my miscarriages early on, but the recent year of not getting pregnant at all. Baby steps! 

When I spoke with Dr Garza he was very pleased with the first cycle and wants me to try again right away. I did a marathon run down to Mexico yesterday to get my new batch of meds - the drive began at 2:30 am and I got back at 3:45 pm. It was a real mad dash.  Anyway, Dr Garza gave me preparation meds to take for one full cycle and then, once my next cycle starts, I'll go back down to Mexico for supervised treatment. 

The only unfortunate aspect to all this was a realization that I will most probably miss my cousin's upcoming wedding at the end of October. It's an event I've been looking forward to for quite some time and I'm really sad to miss it. 

If this next cycle fails, we'll probably go the donor egg route. Using a donor egg would increase our chance of success to 50% each round. It also reduces the risk of chromosomal abnormalities that cause miscarriages or various syndromes such as Down Syndrome. 

At first the thought of using a donor egg was hard for me to process. But, as time goes by, and I learn more about it, I'm beginning to really welcome the idea. When I asked my OBGYN in Austin about it he was very supportive. I asked him if his patients bond with their donor egg babies and he responded with, "Is that what you're worried about? If you carry a baby for nine months, with him/her kicking inside you, that baby is yours 100%!" Also interesting is research showing that the mother's body genetically influences the baby she is carrying. They have been doing studies on this after noticing the strong physical resemblance between mother and donor egg babies. Neat! 

Anywho... While we're not quite there yet, I've been thinking about the donor selection. Dr Garza typically matches the mother to the donor by physical appearance. We have other priorities though with physical appearances being last on the list. Nevertheless, once our other priorities are met, and if possible, we're going to ask for a donor with black hair and creamy skin 😀. 

Before I end this post, I want to share a little of yesterday's trip with you. Driving at 2:30 am was nice. There was little traffic on the road and so I has a good run with no frustration. It did start pouring after a few hours though and that made driving hard. After a bit I think I experienced a form of tunnel vision - it was hard to see. 

Luckily the rain stopped before I got to Brownsville so I was able to walk to Dr Garza's office without difficulties. during my walk i saw orange trees full of oranges and a large jasmine bush that we call Mulla Poo in Malayalam. Mulla Poo has an amzing fragrance and I picked a flower to take with me. I was in Mexico for about three hours.

I had packed a couple of sandwiches to bring with me so ate in the car as I drove home. I saw a lovely pond full of purple lillies, a flock of birds that were white with black detail, swooping and creating beautiful formations high in the sky. They acted like river terms but were much larger. And, while not so natural, but still beauty in my eyes, Ikea being constructed relatively close to home!  We are very excited about this!

I don't think there will be much for me to write about during the next few weeks. I'm giving myself one shot a day so things are pretty uneventful. Check in towards the end of October though and there may be more to share!

P.S. My car battery died today and I had to get a new one. I was very grateful that it happened today and not yesterday down south somewhere! 

Final Beta

Just a brief update to let you all know that today's test came back negative. Dr Garza said to stop the supportive progesterone supplement. Now I'm working on setting up a phone call with him to determine our next step. It felt like a good run and hopefully we do even better next time!

Test Results

Part of my IVF treatment included a trigger shot of HCG. HCG is the pregnancy hormone that you are tested for to confirm pregnancy.  The trigger was given on September 1st and should have left my system within 10 to 14 days.

When two weeks had past, I began using home pregnancy tests and got a faint positive. Each day the line, indicating a positive result, became lighter.  This made me wonder if the trigger shot was still in my system - although it seemed unlikely.

In any case, today was finally my Beta and it came back with HCG levels of 17. This is within the 'normal range' for three weeks of pregnancy but is very, very much on the low end. Also, the fact that my home pregnancy tests have been fading, leads me to believe that this first cycle failed. I have to retest on Monday to be sure though. If my numbers go down, then I'm not pregnant. If they go up, I am. 

I'll have to ask Dr Garza but I believe a pregnancy did in fact start, but just wasn't viable. It's probably strange to read this but, if my theory is true, I feel like we've made progress. Nothing is so hard as not being able to get pregnant - so to finally have a bit of success feels good!

Onwards! 

Transfer

Hello Everyone, I made it back to San Marcos after a four and a half hour drive. My transfer Saturday morning was easy - as I guess most are. There were two retrievals this morning and me as the one transfer. I had understood that transfers were always last but I was the first to be treated.

Embryos are supposed totbe highly sensitive to scents so I dutifully didn't wear deodorant, chapstick or hand cream.

My full bladder experience was different than others I've heard about. When I got to the clinic I already needed to go because of the milk and orange juice I had at breakfast - don't judge 😉 I was cleaning out the motel fridge and trying not to be wasteful! Anyway, they took me in so quickly that I only had time to gulp down one bottle of water. So, while I did need to use the bathroom, I wasn't doing the dance or fearful of letting go! 🤣

I learned that I had 11 eggs retrieved, 6 fertilized, and 2 made it to my five day transfer. If there had been more, I would have had a frozen embryo opportunity later on but that's ok.  I'm still grateful that these two made it!

Dr Garza was truly kind as he told me about the transfer. I couldn't have asked for more. So now I'm an IVF veteran... there was a time, not too long ago, when I never would have believed it and yet here I am... resting at home with two nalla mottas...  I have a streak of realism in me brought on by all my past disappointments, however, right now I feel quite happy!

PS - As I was waiting for transfer, my acupuncturist emailed me to ask if the doctor I was seeing was named Dr Garza. One of her patients mentioned him and was thinking about coming to see him. It's a small world!

The Zoo and Dolphin Watch

On Tuesday afternoon I visited the zoo and had the place to myself.  It really is a beautiful place and, strikingly, doesn't have a raw animal smell about it.  J and I had wanted to go together but we ran out of time while he was down here. Who knows, maybe we'll have another chance to visit it together soon.

Very cute pygmy hippo!

The gorillas were particularly fun to watch with all their very familar actions. We really do look like them!

Yesterday I was stuck indoors all morning because of heavy rain. By the afternoon though it had cleared up and the sun was out. I spent the later part of the afternoon, until sunset, on a two hour boat tour of the waters around South Padre. The tour focuses on watching dolphins and we saw a lot of them.  Even more fun, however, was standing at the prow of the boat as we rode the waves. We would go up one pretty high and then crash back down. It was absolutely thrilling and I yelped with joy and excitement!  Felt a bit like a rollercoaster...

At one point we went by a long jetty made of granite brought down from Marblefalls years ago. A man stood at the tip of the jetty, his fishing rod bent in a dramatic arch, as he fought with something big hanging on to his line.

My fellow passengers began cheering and taking pictures as our boat swung around to watch. This was a rowdy affair but it was apparent that the fisherman loved the attention. Our boat stopped and finally the man was able to pull in his catch. The cheering intensified as he held up a fish that was about two and a half feet long! The man was quick to measure the fish, and took a selfie with it, before throwing it back into the water.

The crew had a couple of living sea creatures in a tub and they gave us a little lesson about them. An elderly woman in a wheelchair got to hold a sea star and it seemed to really make her day. It was her first visit to the sea.

As the sun set on the horizon, and the cool sea breeze washed over us, I sat quietly and chatted with an interesting family from Switzerland. Soon we arrived back at the dock and our tour was over.

And this just about wraps up my two weeks in South Texas.  Tomorrow is transfer and I'll finally find out how many embryos made it. I'll write a final post when I get home but, until then, thank you ever so much for all the good wishes and positive thoughts!  It's been a very special two weeks.

Veterans Park and Vegan Tacos

I've discovered Veterans Park which is just down the street from where I'm staying. The memorial sits in the middle with two sidewalks looping around it.

Both mornings I've been there, the outer loop is filled with people walking at an even pace, but going counterclockwise.  Walking counterclockwise... I just can't do it! So, as everyone walks one way, I take on the inner loop all by myself and go clockwise. They look at me strangly - I'm probably returning the look.

It's weird because I have this same problem at the local park in San Marcos - except there, there is only one loop, so I'm always having to brush shoulders with others.

Here are a few pictures from my walk. The statue of Sergeant Jose M Lopez, and the inscription, was something to see/read.  Such outstanding bravery and valour.

There were pretty flowers & waterfowl along the way:

Last night I tried out the vegan food truck and it was good. I actually wasn't hungry at the time, and I'm mainly making my own meals to save on expenses, but I bought one taco called the Pastor. It was quite tasty - although I had them switch out the pineapple that was supposed to be on top and add avocado.  I would go back.

Today I have a few errands to run. I need more syringes and I'm going to use the last of my Target gift card to buy something warm for my ever-cold feet. That is all.

Have a good day! 

This Weekend

J came for the weekend and it was really good to have him here.  As mentioned in another post, he unfortunately wasn't feeling well, but still enjoyed himself and we had fun.  IVF with Dr Garza consists of multiple payments.  Each time you go he adjusts your medications and you only pay for a few days worth of medicine at a time.  He accepts credit cards, cash dollars, or cash pesos.  The way you get the best rate is by using your credit card but ask them to charge it in pesos. The final payment for retrieval, however, is just under 3000 dollars and Dr Garza prefers to have it in cash dollars. J brought the amount down with him when he came so that I didn't have to have it on me the week before. 

J left home in the very early morning hours of Saturday and arrived around 7:30 a.m.  While he had breakfast and rested after the five hour drive, I popped over to Dr. Garza's in his van, and made the payment. As using the doctor's driver to return to Brownsville sometimes takes extra time, depending on how many patients you are waiting for, I requested the office to call the medical district van for me instead.  Waiting downstairs for the van to arrive I noticed another women waiting as well.  She had Indian features and I had noticed a file with the name Khan on it upstairs.  When we got into the van together I struck up a conversation and learned that she was in fact Indian and, much to my delight, from Kerala.  She is a nurse that lives in Houston but found Dr Garza when she used to live in Brownsville. She makes the trip to see him as she says he is a very great doctor.  We had good conversation about Indian food, the wonderful smell of curry trees and, of course, fertility.  She's the only Indian I've seen in the Matamoros/Brownsville area and I was pleased to have found her.

J was waiting for me on the other side of the bridge and we spent a little time wandering through the shops downtown.  They are filled with Mexican merchandise and are very affordable.  We didn't buy anything but there were items that would have been perfect for my classroom at school.  For example, I just know that the children in my class would love all the very sparkly dress-up shoes!

Later that afternoon J discovered this neat store in Brownsville that sells fruit, vegetables, spices, herbs, organic products, natural body care products etc.  The place is run by a family of three, parents and their daughter, and has so much character.  Out front they had a bunch of moringa trees that were pretty tall.  J has been trying to grow moringa so this was an exciting find.

I'm having a hard time manipulating the images in an attractive way but here are a few pictures that I took.  There was also an odd assortment of pots for people to choose from.  We ended up buying some bananas and a grain snack (can't remember what it was called) with the plan of going back to buy moringa trees later.

Today I went back to purchase the moringa trees, in fear that they would run out of them by Saturday, when I leave.  The proprietor/father and I began chatting and he wanted me to sample all these different fruits. We talked about growing jackfruit and moringa and, with great surprise in his voice, he told me about a "gringo" in Mexico who grows the best jackfruit.  "A gringo!!" he emphasized... He also told me that Mexico is no more dangerous than the US and that in the US people steal your clothes.  When I laughed he said, "No, really! People are drunk and sleeping on the side of the street and someone goes and steals their pants! It happens.  And what about Chicago?... and New York?... No, no... Mexico is a safer place."  "You know" he added, "This all used to be Mexico. But Mexico had so much land that they didn't care and gave this way. Davey Crockett fought down here..." and with a flourish, he pointed to his baseball cap that read, "You can all go to hell, I'm going to Texas."

But, I digress.  I wanted to talk about the weekend rather than today.

On Sunday we went to Nuevo Progresso in the morning.  It's a 45 min drive from Brownsville and you drive right along the border fence the whole time.  On the US side, in Progresso, there is a large parking lot right next to the bridge that charges 2.00 a car for the whole day.  We got there at about 9:30 and the place was already filling up.  Walking across the bridge at Progresso is very different than walking across at Matamoros.  The Matamoros bridge is strikingly unattractive and feels dirty and dusty.  In Progresso, however, you are greeted with pretty patches of manicured lawns and other lush greenery. 

 

 

 

The view of the river is beautiful here whereas, at Matamoros, it's just a trickle with litter covered banks.     

 

 

 Half way across the bridge is this sign - and then the bridge suddenly becomes shuttered so that you can no longer see the river.  J and I wondered at this until we realized that there was a small crowd of people down below on the river bank.  Some of them had lawn chairs and all of them were calling out to the people crossing above.  I don't understand Spanish but it was a very dramatic scene and it was apparent they were calling out for money.  Underneath the shutters on the bridge there was a balustrade.  As we approached the end of the bridge, where the banks of the river were leveling out with us, an arm suddenly shot through the balustrade with a cap in its hand.  While you of course feel compassion for someone so desperate - there is something about a disembodied arm shooting out at you that is just a little nerve wracking.

Once in Nuevo Progresso you are accosted by fantastic sights and sounds.  Every few feet there is a dentist's office or a drug store, and members of these establishments stand outside listing all their services and rates.  "You want teeth cleaning?!! Today only special! Thirty dollars!!" said one man as we walked by.  Another rattled off all the prescription drugs available and sounded very much like a professional auctioneer.  A third man called out to us asking if we wanted a haircut; J pointed to his shaved head and said, "It's already taken care of..."

And then there were the stores... oh how I loved them!!!  They were filled to the brim with brightly colored pottery and I wanted to buy it all!  Baking dishes, platters, mugs, serving sets, large spoons... you name it!  It was all just so beautiful and I kept going through the shops examining all this beauty.  It's truly a feast for your eyes.  I would love to come back down here for a shopping trip some time.  Just saying. 

The shopping in Nuevo Progresso is on one street and starts at the bridge.  You walk down a few blocks and then cross the street to walk back up the other side.  We had stopped to watch a landscape painter at work when J saw an elderly women trying to sell small packets of chiclets to people passing by. J said he would be right back.  He went to the lady and bought two packets of chiclets from her; her face broke out in a crinkled smile. She said, "Thank you" as she handed the tiny packets to him and J came bounding back to me full of smiles himself.  I was so touched by this because I realized that I wasn't noticing the hardships around me in the way that he was. 

After wandering up and down the street for a couple of hours we headed back over the border.  While we were waiting in line J reminded me that I had a banana in my purse.  It was originally from Mexico, but I bought it in the US, had taken it to Mexico with me and now, as I attempted to re-enter, it was going to be a problem.  So I ate it.  That is all.

When we got back to our car the massive parking lot was full.  Nuevo Progresso is a happening place and all the cars there proved it.

Other than this, J and I also tried out a couple of restaurants here in town.  We ate at Emilia's in Brownsville, a small Mexican food place that I would not recommend.  The food wasn't at all flavorful and was very oily. 

We also tried Russo's NY Pizzeria which we enjoyed.  Other eats included breakfast tacos for J from a highly recommended gas station.  He got an egg and green chili taco that he said was quite good.  And before he left on Monday he got some fajitas from Kikis which he said were good as well.

That about sums up our little vacation together.  I wish he could have stayed longer but am happy he could come when he did.  Maybe in the winter we'll be able to do something like this again.

Tootles everyone! Thank you for reading!

16 Hour Check

Dr Garza contacted me this afternoon to let me know that six enbryos survived the night! I was very surprised and happy to hear this as I would have been grateful with even one or two!

With IVF, the most common days to transfer the embryos, is on either day three or day five after retrieval. Dr Garza believes in day three if you just have a couple but, when you have more, it's worth it to wait until day five.  The reason is that, as the days go on, there is more and more risk of embryos dying off. If you just have a couple then he transfers them earlier so that they have the best chance of success in a natural environment. If, however, you have a higher number, he waits till day five to see which ones make it. The embryos that make it to day five are the strongest and have the best chance of becoming healthy pregnancies.

So now my transfer is scheduled for Saturday. If I had known sooner I might have come home for a bit. J and I talked about it but it seemed like a stressful drive, right before transfer, wasn't the best idea.

Onwards!

Retrieval

Retrieval finally happened!  I'm going to skip over the weekend adventures and then hopefully get back to them on later posts but, for now, I just want to talk about yesterday.  J was here for retrieval and we drove over the border with Mario, the doctor's driver, for a change.  The office was very crowded and I was thankful that I didn't have to wait upstairs in the main waiting room.  After signing in they had us go downstairs where all the procedures/surgeries take place.  They treat several women at the same time so the husbands cannot accompany the patients into the treatment areas. 

The nurse took me into a back room and asked me a few questions about and J and myself. Then we headed back to the surgery area and she had me put on a hospital gown, and a cubby shelf on the wall was available to store your belongings.  Once I was ready, she had me go into what was the waiting and recovery area. In this room, there were a couple of rolling bed/stretchers and some large comfy chairs.  I was told to sit there and wait. Soon enough the other chairs began to fill with women in hospital gowns as well.  Three of them were there for transfer and, as we talked, a still unconscious women was wheeled out from the procedure room on a bed.  The arrival of this patient signaled that my time had come and into the procedure room I went.

As far as surgeries go, it was very similar to the operating theatre at Seton Hospital on 38th street - although not quite so white and plastic-y. Still, with a quick glance, as the anesthesiologist got to work, I could tell that all the basic equipment was present.

Since I've been seeing Dr Garza, the nurses have replaced the J sound in my name with an H sound. I'm not sure what caused me to say anything while I was on an operating table but, for some reason, I was suddenly inspired to correct them. What a hubbub it caused!  The anesthesiologist placed a mask over my face and I began breathing in gas - in the background I heard the nurses chattering a multitude of variations of my name. I also heard the anesthesiologist's radio which, attached to his belt, was yammering on and on in Spanish.

If felt like the anesthesia took a long time to take affect.  I wanted to pull the mask off and breathe clear air but of course that wasn't an option.  Finally, with my mind filled with happy thoughts, I closed my eyes and went to sleep.

The next thing I remember was my name being called, being moved off the table, and saying, "how many?"  A male voice, and I'm guessing it was Dr Garza, said, "six or eight".  I fell back asleep and woke up a moment later in the recovery area.  I felt very proud of myself for first waking up in the surgery and then again right away in the recovery area.  All the women were greatly impressed with my alertness *blows on nails*.  While some women come out of this procedure in a lot of pain, others just experience mild cramping.  I was not in much pain myself and did not require any pain medication. 

While I was in the recovery room I was keenly aware of how uncomfortable J probably was outside in the waiting room.  Unfortunately he's been sick for days and, while we had a great time exploring together, he was also quietly suffering. As I felt pretty good I asked one of the nurses if I could leave.  She said no though and had to wait for the doctor to clear me.  Thankfully it didn't take too long and after sharing good byes and best wishes with the other women, I went and got dressed. 

Next I had to be given a progesterone prescription (these are the IM shots that everyone says hurt a lot).  I was waiting for the prescription when three or four of the nurse surrounded me and asked again, in broken English, how I pronounced my name. As I sat on my chair, they leaned in until their faces were about two feet from my own.  Their eyes locked onto my mouth as I slowly said my name and, with great effort, they repeated after me.  All of a sudden a light bulb seemed to go off and one of them took out the appointment book and wrote my name in letters that made sense to them.  Without skipping a beat I pulled the book towards me and wrote my name in Malayalam script, explaining that it was from India.  They had such smiles on their face and seemed to really love this little bit of information.  I'm looking forward to seeing them again soon!

Following this I went out into the waiting room to find J.  I was bubbling with excitement and one of the husbands commented on how much chipper I was than his wife after she went through the retrieval process.  The van was ready for us and we headed back to the hotel.  Thankfully there was no wait at the bridge and we slipped right through.  J and I were both hungry so, after dropping off our things, we went out in search of food.  All in all I think we were in Mexico for about two and a half hours.

At 11:00 this morning, which is just half an hour away, I'm supposed to call the office to find out when transfer day is.  After the first sixteen hours or so they are able to see how many, if any, of the eggs fertilized.  They will discard the ones that didn't make it and put the rest back into incubation.  The eggs are then left alone for a couple more days before being checked again.  It is expected that some of them will stop growing and not make it to transfer day. I'll count myself fortunate if I have two to transfer - and if there are any extra that can be frozen for a future attempt, that would be amazing!

Thank you all for your best wishes and positive thoughts that have come our way.  As you can see from above, they have certainly played a part!

Fourth Appointment

Just a quick update about today's appointment. It was crowded and I had to wait about two hours. Of course I left my book in my car so that was no use. In any case, I was eventually seen and had my sonogram. I have a couple of large follicles and some smaller ones. Dr Garza almost postponed my retrieval to Tuesday but, after further scanning, stuck with the Monday plan. He upped my meds even further for today so, instead of mixing one liquid with four vials of powder, I mixed one liquid with six.  I have another shot to do tomorrow morning and then, at 10:00 pm, I have to do my trigger. It will be my first IM injection on myself and I'm trying to practice with a pen... I can do this!

On Sunday I'll have no meds to take at all - first time in over a month that I won't be injecting myself!  Then, on Sunday night, I have to stop eating and drinking in preparation for the procedure. The anesthesia is twilight rather than general but still knocks everyone out briefly.

I keep planning a post that will delve into the medical side of things more - should come along soon.

In other news, I visited the Palo Alto Battlefield this afternoon. There was something very profound in being there - one visitor described it as a feeling of peace.  Maybe that's what happens when noble people give up their lives when following the call to duty.

Quirky Stores, Chinese Food and Polka Dot Socks

After my appointment yesterday my day was pretty uneventful.  I got some gas, washed my car and sent postcards to my class.

To mail the postcards, I went to a postal center and what a quirky affair it was!  The place felt like something right out of Harry Potter's Diagon Alley. Welcoming people to the center was a sign on the front door that read, You're welcome to bring in your cat but it's at your own risk. Being as I didn't have a cat with me, I felt it was relatively safe to enter.

Once inside I found myself in a dimly lit and dusty room. There was a tall counter to one side that was piled with kitsch. A couple of wooden stools were positioned in front of the counter and a man sat there, his shoulders hunched over his phone. The light from the screen lit up his face but he neither glanced at me nor moved a muscle as I let the door clang shut.

Not knowing if the man was a customer or the proprietor, I began browsing the nic nacs that filled the space. Postcards, greeting cards, mugs, flip flops, gum and candy, sunglasses and so on lined the walls - I looked through them carefully while always keeping one eye on the silent man.

All of a sudden, with a flash and a meow, a white cat appeared at my feet. Looking up I found that not far behind this four legged creature was a women with silver, curly, hair tumbling down her back.  She peered at me over her glasses with a questioning gaze and, recognizing this women as the likely owner of the establishment, I stretched out my arm mumbling, "I need to mail these please".

The women snatched the postcards from my hand and bustled off with them behind the counter. "That will be seventy cents" she said with her hand outstretched. I fumbled with my purse until I found the necessary change and placed the coins in her waiting hand.  With that the transaction was over. The women turned abruptly and walked back into the darker recesses of the store. Even though I really just wanted to leave the place, I felt uncertain as to whether my carefully chosen postcards we're ever going to reach the children they were meant for, and so I called out to the women in a doubtful tone, "You'll mail them?" As she disappeared behind a pile of items at the back, she threw an answer over her shoulder, "Yes, I've got this!".

I left the building and stepped out into the hot sunshine of South Texas. Was it all a dream?  I look forward to hearing when and if my postcards are received.

In the evening I met up with my RN co-patient for dinner.  There really aren't very many places for a vegetarian to eat out in Brownsville and so I let her choose between Jason's Deli, a vegan food truck (which I'm going to try out) and a Chinese restaurant.  She chose Chinese, which sounded good online, so that's where we went.

The restaurant was started by a couple from New York and they've opened two or three other locations in other cities nearby as well.  The menu had a vegetarian section which was what originally attracted me.  Nevertheless, once our food arrived (I had vegetables/tofu/steamed rice and she had chicken/mushroom/fried rice) it was pretty mediocre.  My vegetables were swimming in a flavorless brown sauce and the steamed tofu was boring as well.  Still, all was not lost as I received this fortune in my cookie:

That was last night. This morning I tried to find a more scenic place to walk but was once again challenged in this endeavor. I ended up trying out a small neighborhood park.  Images of it online were pleasant enough but when I got there it felt like a small sad lot.  After consulting google, yet again, I made my way to Resaca de la Palma National Battlefield.  The battlefield was surrounded by a neat dirt path and, of course, the trees were pushed back to the far outskirts. I say of course because Brownsvillians apparently have a thing for exercising in full sun.  The real highlight of the park was a small brown rabbit hopping along through the grass; we'll call him Fred. I would have preferred a deer but didn't let Fred in on this secret.  He was a sweet bunny and there was no reason to cause hurt feelings.

And this finally brings us to this evening.  I had my haircut which was a good opportunity to learn more about Brownsville and the surrounding area.  I was really just supposed to get a trim but the lady did a more thorough job than that.  She shared with me that Progresso is really the best place to cross the border for a good Mexican experience - so I'm hoping to make my way over there in the coming days. 

After my haircut I went shopping for retrieval socks.  Patients are supposed to bring socks with them on retrieval day as, apparently, it gets pretty cold in the procedure room.  I'll be going with polka dots as those are my favorite!

On this note, have a good night all.  Tomorrow morning I head back over to Mexico!